The most difficult thing

The interviews with former methamphetamine users I was conducted were narrative; which implies that I had no questions prepared in advance. Nevertheless, there was one question I was often asking: What was the most difficult thing for you when you were quitting the meth use? Interestingly enough, the answers had not much to do with drugs. The severe compliactions were caused by relationships, daily routine, hobbies, life-styl in general... let´s look at those few citations:

"I: What was the most difficult thing after you decided to stop?
L: To handle the time somehow. To adopt myself to the fact that the day has 24 hours, that one should sleep for some time, one should be up for some time... and somehow... what to do with myself, right? How to fill up the time."
(Lenka, 28 y.o., female)

"The first couple of months was terrible, I did not talk to anybody, I started to walk out almost with the first guy I have met. He was an awfull asshole. But I didn´t mind. I just didn´t mind about anything."
(Magda, 23 y.o., female)

"...the most difficult was to convince everyone that I mean it. It was the most difficult. I was convinced, but the others... some of them just did not trust me.... someone from my family was pushing my father not to leave me at home: you will be surprised when you come at home and there is nothing... but this has pushed me forward, I wanted to prove them that it´s not like that..."
(Milos, 33 y.o., male)

"The most difficult thing was not to meet those people. And it was the basic thing. They have tried, one dealer was sending people to my place: whether I want something. But then I was able to say radically No! leave ma alone, I am not interested in these things at all. Try it again and you will fall out badly."
(Libor, 25 y.o., male)


From my point of view, quitting long term drug use is equal to radical change in one´s identity. Not because the chemical structure of the drug is so devastating. But rather because of the specific life-style which is connected with using that drug and which is detemined by its legal status, cultural assumptions about the drug and the whole mythical narrative around that. The growing into the culture of drug use was interestingly described by H. Becker in his Outsiders (1966) and later by T.L. Anderson, for example in the article Drug Related Identity Change which she published with J. Mott (1998). The identity change that takes place after one´s termination of drug use was precisely captured by McIntosh and McKeganey in their recent book Beating the Dragon (2002). One of the few books that travelled with me form Czech Republic to U.S.

By the way, today it is the 10th day I do not smoke. And the most difficult thing...
perhaps waiting for the bus... Especially when it is broken...